After

[makesthings]

The days after the fight at the Lightning Farm and Milliways pass by quickly as there's much to do. Sameth must be a prince to get the promised land to the refugee Southerlings, he must be Wallmaker in terms of helping to rebuild all that's been broken and he has to figure out how to be Wallmaker.

His first major project is Lirael's hand, which takes a couple of months and lots of adjusting to get right. In between working on the hand, he reads all that he can about Wallmakers and talks with his father about the Great Charter Stones so he can take over mending them.

He knows that he needs to travel the Old Kingdom to see the damage to Charter Stones and go over every part of the Wall to understand what he needs to do. Milliways is always at the back of his thoughts as he wonders if Kait was there for the final battle, if she's well, but there's so much to do that he doesn't have time to look for a door.

One night after working far too late, which seems to be what he does of late, he ends up asleep in a comfortable chair in the family study.

Comments

[walksindeath]

"I know Lirael is grateful for all your hard work."

She pauses, then reaches out to touch his shoulder lightly.

"I'm only joking, Sam."

[makesthings]

"Oh, right,"

He quickly looks back down at his work, even though he doesn't have to be Abhorsen-in-Waiting anymore, the thought of what his mother and Lirael do still scares him. Perhaps not quite as much as it used to but the fear is still there.

[walksindeath]

"Are you all right?" she asks, a little abrupt, after watching him for a moment.

[makesthings]

"I am, sorry, yes,"

He still feels like a failure for not being as brave as she is, but he's Wallmaker. It wouldn't do any good to tell her now of how scared he was by the idea of trying to be her heir. The problem is he's still not good at lying, but he just doesn't know how to talk about those feelings with her.

[walksindeath]

"Sam."

She reaches out again, a little awkward, to take his hand.

"If something worries you, you can always speak to me. Or your father. You know that, yes?"

[makesthings]

"But it'll disappoint you both and its not important anymore,"

Better to stick with what he knows how to do and he doesn't want them to look at him as if he's not good enough.

[walksindeath]

"Oh, Sameth."

She reaches up to touch his cheek - and by the Charter, when did she start needing to do that?

"I really don't know how you could disappoint me. Whatever it is."

[makesthings]

He's quiet for a long moment as he has wanted to tell her and then takes a breath before saying quickly and almost in a whisper,

"I've always been scared of Death and could never be a good Abhorsen."

Then he stands quite still as he's not sure what she'll say.

[walksindeath]

Sabriel stands still for a moment as well, wondering how long this has been eating away at him.

"Oh, my poor boy," she says eventually, soft and shaky, and she pulls him down to hug her.

"Sam. Sam, Death is scary. Even when you are born with the inclination... and I think you never were. We assumed- well, Ellimere is not as strong a Charter mage as you, and was always so well suited to follow Touchstone, and when I knew we were unlikely to have more children..."

She is silent for a moment, and does not let go of him. "I'm sorry. That must have been terrifying."

[makesthings]

He leans into the hug, to hear her acknowledge that he wasn't meant to follow her helps,

"I kept trying thinking somehow I'd get past it since I had to."

[walksindeath]

"Oh Sam," she says again, helpless.

"I never noticed. I should have known something was wrong."

It had just been - such a relief to know the succession was sorted, and that Sam could learn safely in the palace, and she didn't have to worry...

"I'm so sorry."

[makesthings]

"No, it wasn't your fault. I kept trying to think of ways to tell you, but there was no one else,"

The Old Kingdom and duty have to come first even though he wasn't even good at that part.

[walksindeath]

"I'm your mother, it's my job to notice things like this."

...Also to battle the neverending armies of the Dead!

(Sabriel isn't so good at the family part. Much though she wishes she was.)

[makesthings]

"Ellimere didn't notice, I was good at not showing it and you had more important things to deal with,"

Hiding it and his various troubles has always been simpler especially as he can hide in his workshop or for a time Milliways.

[walksindeath]

She pulls back to look at him.

"Sameth," she says, brushing his hair back from his face.

"There is nothing more important to me than you and your sister."

And Touchstone, always, and there's Lirael now - but that's still so new.

"The duty is something I have to do, but I will always love you more than that. It wouldn't matter to me if you weren't a Charter mage at all. Nothing will change that."

[makesthings]

Sameth nods, he wants to believe that, but its hard to all at once.

His life has been defined by his duty and his parents' duties and what must be done before what might be nice to do.

[walksindeath]

Their lives are not easy, as families go.

But then, none of them have known much else - apart from Touchstone, and he had his own problems.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of."

She pulls back enough to look around the workshop.

"And much to be proud of."

[makesthings]

"Thank you," He's starting to believe that but he's still finding his way.

[walksindeath]

"Thank you."

She rubs an awkwardly affectionate hand through his hair.

[makesthings]

He smiles and blushes before hugging her once again, this might be a rare moment but he's glad it happened.