makesthings: (hiding)
He kissed her absently and slipped into her bathroom where he closed the door and ended up on the floor where the shakes took over.

No more Milliways unless it found him, just duty and expectation even here. Mogget was right about so much and now Kait had heard all that he wasn't, more of the list that waited at home like the book with its green light.

He didn't want to destroy any future, he just wanted to live and not make things worse but clearly it was too late. Here he could make things and not always be in Waiting, but not any more.

This is because you are a prince. You are far harder to replace.

That was what it came down to truly, there was no one else but he couldn't do it though he had to.

Duty was always deciding his life but that was what he'd always known, it just didn't used to hurt like this.
makesthings: (Default)
Sameth's down in the main Bar working on the dragon for Felix, its still in the early stages but he's happy with how its progressing.

There's a good pot of tea on the table and some sandwiches for when he's at a good enough point to eat.

A Birthday

Oct. 16th, 2009 08:48 pm
makesthings: (Default)
He was hoping that doing the Bird of Dawning would have placated Ellimere but she just got more stubborn. The girls she kept sending after him didn't really care and he couldn't escape all that he was supposed to do no matter where he went. The darker ones would hold his gaze for slightly longer but they didn't seem to see him like Kait did and that just made something else hurt.

Even his workshop started to feel close with all the reminders of what he should be doing. As days went by and doors didn't appear but instead bracelets to be fixed and people trying to talk to him. He just gave up on talking.

He knew that they were doing it because of Ellimere not him and he grew to watching the skies for his mother's paperwing when he wasn't in his workshop or at his duties. Maybe if he could just think of something to say to his mother than it would be simpler, but nothing sounded right and in the end it all just meant he was a failure.

His mother had sent him another book and a surcoat with the keys of the Abhorsen on it for his birthday, which just accused him as bad as the other book he couldn't open and all the unfinished letters in the fire.

Ellimere tried, she always tried so hard and he could never try enough so the birthday feast was horrible. At least for once he didn't have to do anything, he didn't have to dance or open things, though their eyes were horrible as he left, but they'd hate him more if they knew the truth.

An Abhorsen in Waiting scared of Death.

He had to try once more, so he opened the cupboard where the The Book of the Dead lay casting its own green light, this time he managed the clasp at least before he started to shake. The fireplace was close but his hand brushed the door and it opened to Milliways. He just looked at it for a long time before walking through pale and shaking.
makesthings: (watching you)
He missed Milliways, he missed feeling like he actually fit in somewhere. Today had been the Winter Festival and he was sore everywhere from the performance. At least it gave him an excuse to slip out of the royal dinner which he wasn't sure he could face.

Every time he turned around, it seemed like someone was giving him a look of You're not good enough.. All he wanted to do was yell back that he knew but he couldn't do that. So he just had to keep going through sword practice, Petty Court, Perspective and hope that he wouldn't mess up on this scale again.

The worst was Abhorsen prep with that book just staring back at him, even when he'd seen his mother in Milliways, there was no way to start. Even his workshop didn't feel like a refuge anymore, he missed Teja asking him to explain things better and Val never came to the forge.

Even though he'd made a mess of things with Blodwen, at least he'd been trying to do what he was supposed to do. At least no one followed him up here to his workshop and he pulled on the door with a wince from all his bruises.
makesthings: (had enough)
Mother, I need to talk to you about something important...

Mother, I'm scared to Walk in Death and won't be able to..

Mother, I don't think I can be...

Mother, how do you get past the fear?

Mother, looking at the book makes me cold and scared.

Mother, I'm a failure, I'm sorry.

Mother, I'm not good enough to be Abhorsen...

Sameth just puts his head in his hands, not even caring about the ink getting into his hair, there's no way he can tell her. In the end, he doesn't even throw them in the fire just uses a simple spell to turn them all to ash.

He hopes that his door comes back soon, because he knows he's going to end up having to talk to her soon if it doesn't and no matter what anyone else says, he can't.


makesthings: (Default)
Sameth, Wallmaker and Prince of the Old Kingdom

July 2015

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